06-08-25

d'ya ever have guilty pleasure bands? mine sure as hell is simple plan. discovered them at age 12, february 2023, maybe? heard "I'd Do Anything" for the first time on soundcloud of all places, s' funny to think about. even though pierre's vocals are whiny as hell and the songs are immature, it has that same charm that tom and blink-182 have. or maybe i just have bad music taste. [you cant tell me that whats new scooby do isnt a fuckin banger, though.] pop punk in general is a weird genre. its very broad but also narrow and there's something about it that just. stuck with me.

stuck with me? green day reference?? been listening to 39/smooth a lot recently. the more i listen to it the more i realize its an entire record of "yearn, pine, long, and sigh" which, while i don't relate to that aspect all that much, there is a youthful anger part of it that i really do enjoy. i don't know, i like some rawness in my music whether it be vocally or emotionally. probably because i can't really express it in real life. i don't like to be vulnerable with other people, even my friends. i don't think i could bring myself to cry in front of them, i'll be honest. thinking about it, i kinda just keep everything in and listen to music to tune it all out.

i know someday i gotta stop doing this, but i also don't want to lose friendships over dumb shit. i feel like i'm already slowly drifting off from them and it kind of kills me inside a little. well, i'm already half way there. at least it sure as hell feels like it. just watching the days go by, doing nothing. if i end up doing something, i sleep for hours afterward. chronic fatigue can go suck off a pig. yknow this is a really emo fucking entry, sorry about that. i'm no pete wentz but i need to get this shit out somewhere, even if its just for me. i- the thought of actually getting words out and talking to someone about my issues makes me want to cough up blood, so here we are.

plus, socializing is exhausting as hell. talking for too long? sit in a corner and blast msi at an unsafe volume. too many people? same thing. i find typing everything to be much easier, which i suppose makes me seem like a bit of a recluse. i'm not, however. i'm just a 14 year old burnt out fuck. i think i've talked to much. check out one of my lies by green day and left coast envy by the starting line.